Surprise

I told myself to "hang on, I can surely get him back". I thought to myself, there's no reason I can't get him back since I know he loves me. I tried and I fought and for once I really put my pride down. I was confident it'll all turn out well. He did stuff  I never thought he would do to me but I sucked it up and held on still hoping we could work things out. Everyday I was thinking of ways to get him back but I couldn't do too much or say too much cus I didn't want to appear as a creep or crazy. While in the process of fighting to get him back, I also had people trying to win my heart. Using them to distract myself on days I feel depressed. Such a bitch but well it did help. And of course me being me, always made it clear that I'm not over my ex so ok la I'm not such a big bitch. Honesty is super important! Said "if you want to go out with me you must know you are FRIENDZONED". Most of em wouldn't say No cus they think they can still have a shot. Then the more I started hanging out with diff people the more I was pampered by them, I realised I didn't want to be in that relationship with D. I was too independent in that relationship. At times I didn't feel taken care of which was something I really wanted out of a relationship cus I grew up in a family with very little love and attention which is probably why I crave a lot of that now. Of course I still love him in my heart but day by day as I start finding happiness in doing other stuff the urge of wanting to talk to him and see him just slowly disappears. I still find it hard to believe myself....it's 3 YEARS DUDE. So maybe this is just a phase...I might fall back into the "I need D I only want D" thing. Who knows...

Today I have people trying to sweep me off my feet. Today I have people telling me I'm beautiful and loved. I should be happy. I am happy. Been awhile since I felt this happy. :) and it is funny how life works...remember I have this boyfriend checklist post a month (or 2) ago? The people who make me happy are not even close to those descriptions and points in the list. A far cry, a complete opposite of My Ideal Guy. Then there are those who fit the list, most of them don't even make me feel that happy?! It's weird it's really weird.

P.S arrrrrghhhhh soooooo damn pissed off. wanted to approve and reply comments so i marked them all but i accidentally clicked the "delete comment " button which deleted over 30 new comments. I AM SO SAD AND SORRY TO THOSE WHO TYPED LONG COMMENTS :( I read them all though so yup!